Random Ramblings

Song of the Week--Come Home

Every Monday, I will discuss a song that has special meaning, or just one that I enjoy. This week I picked a Matchbox 20 song, because it describes how I feel about one of my friends.

You know, I put great stock in my friendships. I try to maintain them to the best of my ability. But sometimes, people I love hurt me unintentionally.

One of my closest friends from college got married this weekend. As happy as I was for her, I was extremely sad as well. Many people feel sad when friends marry because they feel they may lose the friend. I wasn't sad because I felt I would lose her. I was sad because I already had.

Why didn't I keep up with her life? Why didn't I try to email her more diligently? Why was I so selfish?
Why am I usually selfish when it comes to friendships.

Luckily, it may not be too late. I can still reestablish a friendship with her, maybe. Can I be honest, though? Sometimes, I am sick of trying. I am sick of giving my time, and getting shafted in return. It has happened too many times. I am ready for real friendships, not pseudo-acquantanceships based on nothing but what someone is doing on Saturday. Sigh.

I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone......
If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you
--Matchbox 20

I feel that no matter what happens with this friend, there will be a part of me that goes with her. I mean, I hung out with her every day for three years. It's not easy for me to see her leave, and part of me wants her to come back.